We are living unprecedented times.
It’s ok to feel completely lost.
The world we have always known just disappeared and it will never be the same.
We are grieving this world and we are scared about the future and what will come next.
Grief is the psychological-emotional experience following a loss of any kind (relationship, status, job, house, game, income, etc).
Most of you have already experienced grief, and you know there is no set timetable for grief.
With the actual crisis, with so much uncertainty, it will cause multiple losses in people’s lives (job, income, a loved-one, your dreams).
We will learn to live with it, but for now, it’s hard to accept that we will never come back to our previous lives.
This denial phase (the first of the five stages according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross) is often mixed with the feeling of anger.
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.
When you start to realize what is going on, you will maybe want to go back in time. You want life returned to what it was; we want our loved one restored. It’s called the bargaining stage.
At some point, when your attention moves back to the present, grief enters your life on a deeper level. You enter into depression. Keep in mind that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss.
And, finally, at some point, you, we, all, will accept this new reality. Acceptance is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it. We learn to live with it. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust.
We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies.
Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move on, we change, we grow, we evolve.
When I experienced my first real grief, I was petrified, terrified, devastated. Even my worst-case scenario was better than what I was experiencing.
I don’t know how I quickly accepted my new reality and this abyss in my life and in my heart.
I turned it into a new career, a new spirituality, a new life. I turned my despair into hope, love, and care.
It was my choice. My choice to see my loss as a chance to do something great with my life.
Because when you survive, when you are still there wondering why your loved one is not there anymore, you ask yourself questions.
And the biggest question is Why?
What did I do to deserve that?
Nothing, honey, it’s just life. Life is not easy, it is a fight, death is part of your life and you were so much protected before that you had no idea that it could destroy your life.
Hopefully it didn’t.
I came out stronger than ever.
My grief is still there, every day. One day it is a smooth feeling, the other day extreme sadness. But the anger disappeared and was replaced by peace. I remember when I was in the torment of the unbelievable, I was trying to focus on what I could do to put my life in order again (actually, it was finding a new job). And I was feeling so guilty to think of my future instead of focusing on the present and just be there.
I shared my feeling with a friend who was with me during this terrible moment. He told me that it was completely normal to feel this way. In a situation so uncertain, I had no control over it, I was so powerless, my way of regaining control was to plan and think about my next job. These simple and wise words were a relief, a revelation. Having someone who tells you that it’s ok, that you are normal, that you are not a bad person, is precious.
It was the start of my new path, my new career, being there to reassure people, make them feel better, and realize what they are meant to be.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I also want to tell you that I am here to support you mentally.
I will soon launch digital content and webinar to support my community.
I am also offering free discovery session around life, career or business coaching for people in need, please reach out to me directly at email@example.com or transfer my information if you think of someone around you.
Marie Barbezieux Rousselle
Life, Career & Leadership Coach – ACC, CPC – ELI-MP